im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
