btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
