I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
