He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
