I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
