I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
