so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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