Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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