i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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