the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
