Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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