just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
