It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
