How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just cropdusted the office
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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