I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was like having sex with a tree stump
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
