dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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