Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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