I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
