Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
