why didn't you poke me back
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
