How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
