You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can I color on your dick again?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
