hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
wow bdsm is so cute
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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