So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
