also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
