cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
tequila makes me forget i have legs
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize