Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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