Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
