party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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