How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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