it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
