Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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