So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
