Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Congratulations! We have a period
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