I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
