Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
