Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
