you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
