He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
bring money and cleavage
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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