You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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