i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
