Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
