it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
