dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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