Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
