we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
