did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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