So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
