you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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