He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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