I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
