Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they're like a gay fantastic four
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
