carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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