oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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