nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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