shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
