your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
