She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
