There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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