didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
