I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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