ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
