Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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