Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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