I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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