I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
