it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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