Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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