as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
