a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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