My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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