so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
