the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
