if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
